rai_ryu: (Enre)

Haven't had reason to do this in a while.

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rai_ryu: (AnoHana)
This is from tumblr but I don't like tumblr so I'm posting it here.

1. A song that makes you feel happy
Caramelldansen - Caramell

2. A song that makes you feel sad
Pick Me Up - The Format

3. A song that makes you feel badass
I Never Told You What I Do For A Living - My Chemical Romance

4. A song that makes you feel angry
Cleanin' Out My Closet - Eminem

5. A song that makes you feel in love
Love To The Stars - Breeze Vs. UFO & Lost Witness

6. A song that makes you feel heart broken
What The Fuck - fun.

7. A song that makes you jump in excitement
Shooting Star - Bang!

8. A song that makes you think about life
Cloe - Yoko Kanno (from the Arjuna OST)

9. A song that makes you cry
Back To December - Taylor Swift

10. A song you find boring
Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw
Calle Ocho - Pitbull

11. A song you listened to too many times and got sick of it
Candle (Sick and Tired) - The White Tie Affair

12. A song you love
Benson Hedges - fun.
Snails - The Format

13. A song you hate
Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

14. A song that makes you dance
Be My Lover - La Bouche

15. A song that makes you sing
Stars - fun.

16. A song that gets stuck in your head
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Heart Breaker - Taio Cruz

17. Your favorite song
I obviously can't just pick one, so don't think this is conclusive
Some Nights - fun.
Audrey, Start The Revolution - Anberlin
Eternity - Richard Marx
In Our Bedroom After The War - Stars

18. The last song you listened to
Can You Keep A Secret - First Base

19. The song you’re listening to now
Look After You - The Fray

20. The first five songs on your ipod
This is going by alphabetical order, I guess:
1000 Words - Final Fantasy X-2 OST
1973 - James Blunt
2cm - Rie Fu
3AM Eternal - KLF
4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani

21. The first five songs on your ipod on shuffle
Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It - Stars
Fall Asleep - Steel Train
This Charming Man - The Smiths
Words Don't Come Easy - F.R. David
Feelin' You - Soul Decision

22. A song from your childhood
One Tin Soldier - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

23. The song you want to die listening to
If Work Permits - The Format

24. The song you last sang
Look After You - The Fray (well, I was just listening to it..)

25. A song that brings up good memories
Eyeopener - DJ Brisk & DJ Trixxy

26. A song that brings up bad memories
White Houses - Vanessa Carlton

27. A song that you can fall asleep to
Save Your Scissors - City and Color (if it's an emo summer night)

28. A song that makes you scream when you hear it
Invincible - Kelly Rowland and Tiny Tempah (remix)
I guess I would scream if this played at a rave, I'd be so happy to hear it again.

29. A song that makes you feel pumped up
Nobody's Listenin' - Linkin Park

30. A song you wish everyone would listen to
Be Calm - fun.

31. A song you haven’t heard in a long time
When It's Over - Sugar Ray
At one point I considered this my favourite song....

32. A song you can always back to and listen to and fall in love with it all over again
Misguided Angel - Cowboy Junkies

33. A song with a story behind it
My Way Out - David Usher
Emo story time! Back when I lived at my mom's place, this must have been like grade 6 or 7, I'm not sure what about this song did it for me, I was never into drinking or drugs, but there's just a hopelessness to this song that got the feeling right. I wrote it intending for it to be a suicide note (had to remember all the lyrics from in my head). I was supposed to be writing an apology note to my mom for some stupid thing or another that of course, was all my fault. I wrote out all the lyrics but I decided not to go through with it. So I told my mom I had written out a song cause I thought it would make her happy. She was pleased, and she never knew the original reason.

34. A song that’s starting to grow on you
Matches - The Format

35. A song you’re starting to get sick of
I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift

36. The song you’ve listened to the most
Honestly how am I supposed to know this???
rai_ryu: (Nick<3)
Guess I can be called Rai, Crier In Public

I had the stupidest day at work. I mean. I only worked 3 and a half hours, and the first two of that were fine. But then.
I won't get into exactly what happened but I guess the worst part of it is after 6 months at my job, my coworkers still don't use the right pronounds for me. There are some who always get it right. There are some who rarely do. And there are some who never ever get them right.
And then there are some who call me the wrong ones to my face, but when they talk to my boss they use the right ones because they know they'll get corrected by her if they don't.

So yeah.
I can't fucking deal with this. Life was supposed to be easier.

And I was sure I wouldn't cry til I got home, but I ended up doing all my crying on the bus, and I haven't cried since I got here.

And you know it's kind of strange because maybe if people see someone crying in public they want to ask what's wrong or if that person's ok, but the whole time I was just paranoid someone WOULD come up and try to talk to me. It would be a nice gesture in general but so not something I'm up for. Thankfully, no one did.

Some Nights

Feb. 9th, 2013 12:29 am
rai_ryu: (Enre)
Sometimes I feel like I am some giant anomaly and no one in the world will never understand me so I should just push them all away pre-emptively.

Then I realize I am being overdramatic and I make myself start thinking normally again.
rai_ryu: (AnoHana)
I wanted to fill this out but it's a little too deep for Facebook, and no one goes on Myspace anymore, so I'm doing it here. Not that anyone reads my LJ, but there are at least still people ON Livejournal, so the delusion can be upheld.

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes
when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes
when they are telling you how they feel?

When telling them how I feel. Actually, it's hard to tell someone how I feel outside of writing at all, so looking into their eyes at the same time is kinda pushing the limit.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
Probably because my girlfriend lied to me. I am obviously not STILL angry, but I'm sure if it happened again I would get angry again.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There
is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE
phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

Providing she'd actually answer the call, my baguette. I'm not exactly sure WHAT I would say, since really, I could say anything at all, because I wouldn't have to back it up after that. I just hope that I'd be able to talk at all, since phones are not my strength.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you
that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell
anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining
days? Would you be afraid?

I would probably eventually tell people, but probably not right away. I'd quit my job because like hell I'm working at Subway with one month to live. Obviously I'd "set my affairs in order". Then I'd spend it in some art-fever trying to write out all the bits of stories and characters that I have in my head so that they wouldn't die with me.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
Trust. Love is completely superficial if it's with someone you can't trust - even familial love means nothing if you can't rely on the people that love you.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is
a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has
told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the
time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

Ok, let me start this by saying I am never late so this scenario is not too plausible :P
I would obviously save the dog's life, since I like animals way more than I like people or money. I'd rather live on the street without a job than live knowing I'd let an animal die just so I could be somewhere on time.

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Love the most. You can eventually get over love, lost love, or whatever. But trust is something that's very crucial, and it's something that can't ever be fixed once it breaks. It's a lot harder to cultivate trust than love, and if I had to lose one, to break one, it would be love.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you
more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do
you (or did you) do/say?

1. We are brothers man and I do not ship us. You will ruin everything (lol this conversation would never happen)
2. We've been through this before, and it always seems to happen at the most inopportune times. We can't work out that way.

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the
chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one
year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

That would be my grandad, and no. He was old anyway, so it makes sense that he died. What's he gonna do with one hour?

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Sometimes I'd say yes, sometimes no. At least my own antisocialness wouldn't bother me.

11. Does love = sex?
Not even the slightest bit.

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go
because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have
been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no
other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the
company? Why or Why not?

If I could work up the courage to talk to someone, yeah, I probably would. I mean, in my current position. I live at home, so I don't desperately need the money like they would. Also, for my current job, I don't like it anyway so someone who wants it might as well get to have it. I guess all of this would change depending on my own personal position in life.

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt
regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did
you have to tell the person?

Talking about fear of commitment and my stupidity in general. To my baguette but I'd also discussed it with my friends. Things didn't go AS badly as I thought, though it didn't necessarily resolve much.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member
of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them

I guess it would depend how I otherwise felt about them. If I really liked them as a friend or whatever, it might be harder for me to tell them I didn't love them back. But if I didn't care about them at all, it'd be a piece of cake. Telling someone you love them isn't necessarily... hard? In that, you can tell someone you love them and not have them think of it as a big deal. I mean, at least in a lot of cases I've seen. At this point in my life I think I could deal with someone not loving me back.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Art/creativity, because otherwise I don't really see much point in existence. You can do whatever, but if there's nothing boiling up inside of you, nothing that needs to come out, what would life be like? I've never lived a life where I wasn't creative or didn't have imaginary things filling up my chest, so I don't know. I think a life like that would be kind of empty.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
I don't really do stuff like this.

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
Months kind of all blur together. Though I think just, one of the times where I expected to be a certain way but I was another way without realizing it. It sounds like I'm being intentionally vague, but I'm not. That's just the only way to describe it.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
I don't know CPR.

19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a
newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You
have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their
death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

I probably would be ok with letting go of either or both of their hands, though I guess knowing my one surviving granny, she probably wouldn't be too thrilled at me killing a baby over her, so probably I'd save the baby.

20. Are you old fashioned?
In some ways yes, I think I am.

21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
The last really big thing I remember, I donated toward someone's transition. He thanked me a lot but I didn't really even expect/want thanks for it. It's just something I could do so I did.

22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
Both of these things have their own kind of appeal. Even a broken heart can lead to a lot of good things - art, for example, or writing. Maybe I'm romanticizing it a little bit, I dunno. With a broken heart you don't have to worry about finding someone new, because you're always preoccupied with the one that got away. Having never loved at all... I can't tell if that means you'd never feel love/the need for love, or if you would always be looking for love and never find it. Never feeling or needing (romantic) love doesn't seem to bad to me, but it's terrible to constantly be looking for something that you'll never find.

23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
I think I just wish there was a way to make someone understand exactly how you feel in a way that doesn't leave anything open for interpretation - words are too limiting. I just wish for a kind of understanding.
rai_ryu: (Jeice)
Going through a giiiiant period of character obsession right now.
Once again, characters from one of my oldest stories (Coming into fruition when I was around the age of 10/in the 5th grade).
Anyway, it has grown a lot since then, and so has the universe around it.
This recent bout has been brought on by the band Fun. I am utterly useless and want to do nothing but lay around and listen to their music.

I guess what I'm really thinking is, if their music can make me feel so much about my own characters, then I want to be able to write these characters (when the story reaches its final incarnation), in a way that will inspire whoever reads it to feel about them just as deeply as I do. It's actually painful to me to think of some things about them, and I know I've felt that way about other creator's characters too, so I hope one day I'll be able to write just as well and as effectively.

I was accepted into another anthology, though editing is going slowly. This is partially due to my character melancholy, but also because this new editor is a little bit harsh. It's made the worse by the fact that this is a very personal story. I'm trying to be mature about the suggested edits and look at things objectively (it helps that I can rant to other people about how unfair said edits are, rather than sending in ill-planned letters to the editor :P)

Sometimes I wonder if when I get all these thoughts and stories and characters out of my head and sufficiently down on paper, if they'll stop doing things like this to me. But I don't really think that will happen.

Also I have developed an obsession with Nate Ruess's face.
rai_ryu: (Himmel)

Will you be looking for a new job?
Yes, probably, because I highly dislike the one I have now. However, my current job is convenient for congoing - I can take off whatever time I need, just as long as I get the request in before the schedule comes out. I also get a meal every time I work. But I'd WOULD like one that I hate less.

Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No. Even if for some reason my baguette and I break up, I doubt I'll feel like dating again.

New home?
I would really like to get my own place (or rather, a place with friends)

What will you do different in 2013?
Try to be less lazy, and to create more (be it writing or art), and also to be a bit of a better person, in terms of, toward the people I actually like. I'm a bit rigid so I forget that other people think differently than I do. I'll try to think a little bit about things.

New Year's resolution?
I don't make resolutions anymore. In 2013 I want to accomplish things and be happy, but that's what I generally want every other year or any other day. So I just want to move forward.

What will you not be doing in 2013?
This is an interesting question, and I'm trying to think of how I can answer it. I might try to correct people more when they mess up my gender, even though it is scary. In which case, what I would not be doing, is letting people walk all over me in that respect.

Any trips planned?
Anime North! We're staying at the Doubletree and we're going up in a limo. I think Apop is still iffy this year, because they might change venues and get rid of the con aspect of it and make it purely a rave - which just isn't cool.

Wedding plans?
Not my own wedding, but I think my friends Stacy and Dan are getting married in the next year, and my friends Devin and Tyler may be as well.

Major thing on your calendar?
That would pretty much be Anime North XD
Also my story got accepted into an anthology so that is coming out at some point.

What can't you wait for?
Although I have to wait cause my costumes are not done.

What would you like to see happen differently?
I'd like to see more obvious progress from my baguette and I would like to see her get her attendance up and pass her classes.

What about yourself will you be changing?
Well I mentioned earlier just trying to be more circumspect about things. Be kinder to certain people. I also would like to stand up for myself more, and work on my laziness.

Will you dress differently than you did in 2012?
Probably, cause I always have new ideas.

Will you start or quit drinking?
I don't drink and I won't start.

Will you better your relationship with your family?
The thing I can see happening is, if I move out, I'll probably lose contact with them because they won't respect my gender. It won't be something that bothers me, really.

Will you do philanthropy work?
Is lending money to my friends philanthropy? Ha ha ha.

Will you go to bars?
I'll probably end up at Ren at some point.

Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I'm not generally MEAN to them, just indifferent.

Do you expect 2013 to be a good year for you?
I guess it could be, and it's really what I make of it. I have faith that I can keep myself together even if something bad happens (though this is nor permission for bad things to happen!!)

How much did you change from last year to this year?
I think I got a bit grumpier but also a bit happier and more carefree/childlike in a way. Embracing my nerdiness to a full degree, but hating people more.

Do you plan on having a child?
Ha ha ha, never.

Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Probably most of them, because I can't see us suddenly hating eachother after so long.

Major lifestyle changes?
Again the laziness and whatnot.

Will you be moving?
I would like to move out of my dad's house.

What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2013 that happened in 2012?
Sometimes people are idiots but I can't really "make sure" that they're not, since they tend to do whatever they want regardless of what I say.

What are your New Year's Eve plans?
Went to my friend Jen's house, ate a bunch of food and played video games!

Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
I kissed my baguette :3

One wish for 2013?
For things to move forward.

rai_ryu: (Himmel)

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Wore short shorts (lol this is the first thing that came to mind), got published, um... worked at the university?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
They were to leave the house at least once a day and to finish the bible (because it has been taking forever). I didn't accomplish either of them :P

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?
Well. Canada. But I also live here.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
A job I don't hate.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 25th, 2012 (well, not that exact date cause I had to look up when it was), that was the Friday night of Anime North when we had the most phenomenal time at the rave!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting published, and my Xweetok costume was really awesome.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being a jerk sometimes and otherwise not living up to expectations. Not standing up for myself when it comes to my gender identity.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I did get sick just a couple weeks ago, but other than that I think those were the only problems. Well, I got sick earlier in the year but it's not like I remember, and it wasn't anything serious.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Copious amounts of ponies? Mini air compressor? Manga? Plushies? Lol, this is my life.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My aunt and cousins have been pretty good at calling me by the proper name. Also, my boss was very... supportive? If not helpful when I went to see her about gender problems at work.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The baguette's mother's behaviour appalled me. Cassy and Felicity's saddened me, though not depressed. Also saddened by the baguette's skipping school so much.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Cosplay and food, pretty much. The third in that list is books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
A whole bunch of rave music, because I think it was just an explosion of love this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I feel happy right now, I don't really remember how I felt this time last year ^^' probably more stressed anyway.
ii. thinner or fatter? I've stayed the same I believe, which is normal for me.
iii. richer or poorer? Probably at about the same place, because I did get a job but then spent all the money that got earned from it.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Leaving the house, exploring, creating stuff, writing, nature.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Doing nothing... you know, staying up late looking at pictures on the internet. Accomplishes nothing and just comes from laziness.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at my place with my relatives, which was kinda irritating, but at least I got presents.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Well, I already was in love

23. How many one-night stands?

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I hardly caught up with anything this year, so I'm gonna go with Degrassi which is the only one I've really bothered to catch on TV

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Meh, I hate generally the same people forever. The only new hatred started before 2012.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Hunger Games/Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (not too keen on Catching Fire), Mastiff by Tamora Pierce, Guardian of the Dead by Karen Healey (beautiful). And I also read The Dark Is Rising by Susan Cooper again, which remains one of my favourite books.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Various rave artists. I also really liked a bunch of Macklemore songs I listened to.

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted some CDs which I got (The Con by Tegan and Sara, and The North by Stars). I wanted an anime calendar but I had to buy it myself (Inuyasha!)

29. What did you want and not get?
A soldering iron, and see above.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I'm not sure if I even watched many new movies this year, though I did enjoy The Hobbit.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24. I turned 22, but I... can't remember what I did ^^'

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to deal with a certain person, and if certain things had gone smoother. Also, I would've been pleased if I'd gotten a job I actually liked, and if people hadn't been assholes about my gender.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Leading up to Anime North, my hair was even (as in, not a mohawk), as I was growing it out for Anime North. After AN I dressed in really... ravelike? clothes for a while. For Apop I dyed my hair the first weird colour - neon green - and also after that I wore more tights, shorts and kandi. Generally wore all sorts of things that I'd never have worn as a girl.

34. What kept you sane?
Ignoring people.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Keith Harkin, oh my goddess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
So much anti-woman bullshit.

37. Who did you miss?
My little gerbil Ace who died, Anime North in general, and mostly just friends that I didn't get to see a lot.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I liked the friends we made at Apop though I'm not sure I'd consider them the best (lol, sorry if they ever read this)
Actually I think Ethan is probably one of the best people I met, cause he's so fabulous and radical.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Seems to be one I keep having to re-learn, but more that instead of fighting something, try to find ways to adapt to it or to make it adapt - I guess in this sense, approach things from a different direction if the one you're working in isn't doing the trick.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No matter where we are,
No matter just how far our paths may lead,
We don't need no shields, cause Love is the armor that we need

- Tinie Tempah ft. Kelly Rowland, Invincible

Open your eyes,
See all the love in me - I've got enough forever
Don't be afraid, to take all you need from me
And we'll be strong Together

- DJ Brisk And DJ Trixxy, Eye Opener

I'll follow your love into the stars,
I've gotta be anywhere you are

- Breeze Vs. UFO & Lost Witness, Love To The Stars

If I don't say this now,
I will surely break

- The Fray, Look After You

Waves may crash but I won't fall,
With you always by my side

- Dougal, Gammer & Lisa Marie, Heaven Calls

(Yes, a lot of song lyrics)
(This doesn't necessarily encompass the whole of 2012, because my memory is influenced by how I feel right now - but I think that overall it was a good year)

rai_ryu: (Aquarium)
Rave music is the saddest music there is and it is perfectly appropriate for me to sob to it.

Basically I am just being lame and I should be in bed right now.
I'm mostly over my bout of sobbing for no reason.

I can't decide if I was genuinely productive today or not. I woke up at noon, which is always a greeeat way to start a productive day. I worked on my commission for an hour, but it looks like nothing got done at all. So I can't say that was productive. I vaccuumed the whole basement, so it's mostly free of disgusting dead bugs, and the cobwebs are away from the window we're getting replaced. Carpet is clean enough to start cosplay on. But since it was cleaning, it doesn't seem productive cause there's less there when you're done :P
I made myself dinner, rice with broccoli, zucchini, and teriyaki sauce. I guess that's a productive thing.

Speaking of which, I work on friday, which might be why I feel unproductive. When I have work, I always just feel like I can't do anything cause work is soon. It's ridiculous but I feel like this week is useless because I have to work friday. I'm at Teriyaki for this shift...uhg. I've only worked two stations, but Teriyaki is the one I least wanted to work in the first place.
Maybe before I go in, I'll get myself feeling really manly (Somehow?) so that I can actually correct my coworkers when they misgender me. Last time I tried I almost had a heart attack out of fear.
I really want to find a different job.

Something I need to stop doing is perscribing genders to certain emotions. I catch myself thinking, "I can't feel this way, this is how a GIRL feels!" or thinking, "I need to feel this in a manly way!". They're all just emotions. I guess that's society doing it's job on me, but I really need to fix the way I think about things, cause it's not doing me any good
rai_ryu: (Aquarium)
Today I got woken up by the phone, Jen wanted to go out for sushi. So eventually I woke up and we went to some place waaay across town...different from the one we usually go to. It wasn't gross, but our usual place is still the best (I haven't found anywhere I like better!).
After our delicious sushi, we went to Pet Cetera to look at the animals. They didn't seem to have many of the other animals, but they had a lot of kitties for adoption. I wish I could've adopted them all. There was this black one who had a heart murmur but he was reeeally sweet. There was also a beautiful one with these firey orange eyes...he was white with these dark dark charcoal gret spots and his name was Carmine. Next to him was a cat named Romeo who was just there for daycare...he was giant and looked just like my bro's cat Manook.
After that, we were gonna walk to the park but it was boiling. So we stopped at Tim Horton's and got some drinks. I went to the bathroom and the urinal was like, perpetually flushing so there was water pouring out of it all over the floor.
Then we did end up going all the way to the park, and we saw some of the animals there. They used to have bunnies, but now their enclosure is filled with all these poofy chickens.
Then we were going home, but Jen decided she wanted to go swimming, so then we sorta split up for a while, while we went to our homes and got our swimming stuff. I have a pool, but the nights have been cold so it is currently freezing. We ended up going to the Rec Centre. I haven't been there in years.
Swimming was fun, and nobody bothered me about my chest. I was so worried going in that people would hassle me, but I guess people were minding their own business. I went down the water slide a few times, and it was reeeeally fast XD
Then, since I need to eat donuts after I swim, we went to another Tim Horton's and got some. I got a chicken salad sandwich too, but I wish I had just gotten a bunch of donuts. Now my mouth tastes like chicken salad rather than boston cream.

We're going to the Ex tomorrow, and that should be an adventure. My Baguette is afraid of heights, so I dunno what rides I can convince her to go on. I think I'm gonna try to get her to try some strange foods too.


Aug. 2nd, 2012 07:47 pm
rai_ryu: (Nick<3)
How's that for a title?
I'm annoyed cause I seem to be getting full really easily lately. I take like a few bites of something and my stomach thinks it is stuffed. I want to eat tasty meals, dammit!

Anyway I've been in a bit of a fog lately too. I think it's cause I got a job, and just the looming thought of having to go into work in the future is dampening everything. I feel like everything is just gonna break down and I won't be able to handle it. And I hope it's just because of the job getting me all out of whack. I work Tuesday to Friday next week...they're not long shifts, but my first shift is at the station I least wanted to work at. So it figures my first two shifts are there, and I'll have to do my training there >_< luckily after Friday, the place closes down for two weeks, so I won't have to worry about work over the course of those weeks (except that I'm sure I will). Oh damn, and I just realized I have to leave the house tomorrow. Well this is great.

I've been reading today but not doing anything "productive". I don't want to do anything, because I need to calm myself down about this job thing, but then when I don't do anything, I feel all guilty or anxious that I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. I guess after I get in tomorrow I'm gonna need to spend some time working on stuff. I hate having a lot to do. It always makes me feel like I have no time to do anything, so I don't even bother working on things, but then obviously more things just pile up and it gets worse...I really am lame aren't I?

I want to go to University, but my family is trying to convince me not to. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I need to take supplemental courses anyway because I don't have enough grade 12 credits. But I really want to go there to learn languages. My family thinks it is useless.
rai_ryu: (Nick<3)

Hrm...I am feeling sorta down right now and I don't know why.
Maybe too much socialization?
I just think there's a lot going on in my head currently, but no outlet :/ I should write, maybe, but I've got no idea what.
I've got a sketch commission to do, as well as some editing for someone. So social that it is scary D:

My older sister was over this weekend and I really can't stand her. She's extremely rude, full of herself, misogynistic...She doesn't respect my gender at ALL (despite claiming to know more about trans issues than me because she has "many trans friends"). And she is mean to her dog. Uhg, dealing with her just throws me off I guess.

I haven't really been sleeping well. I mean, I've been going to bed before 3am lately at least, but I've been sorta paranoid to sleep, and then having weird nightmares/visions when I do. Doesn't help that it's been super hot in my room.

I've got a lot do do before this weekend, and it seems like I've got no time to do it in. I've gotta go shopping tomorrow for hair dye and a headband. But I also have to be home tomorrow so that my Baguette can pick up her camera that she left here. Uhg, I miss her. Feels like I haven't seen her in ages.

Whenever I actually start doing stuff, I get so overwhelmed that I forget everything that is happening/supposed to happen. Writing things on my calendar sorta works, but not for all things. I only hope that I can get this commission stuff done in a timely fashion (although I'm gonna be away friday, saturday and sunday).

Anyway yeah. Being sad about fictional characters and stuff. All day every day.

rai_ryu: (Default)

I guess I should finally write about Anime North here :P

Anime North Report... )

In other news, I got a whooole bunch more ponies today and it is very exciting. I'm being sorta dorky and formulating a sort of storyline for my ponies in my mind.
At AN I got some G2 ponies and they are soooo pretty. I never thought I'd actually own one :) now I have three!
Then of course today I go to Value Village and buy around 30 ponies XD the lady at the cash register gave me such a look...
I'm not keeping all 30, mind you. Some were fakies, others I'm just not interested in. I've got what I think is a G3.5 Cherilee McDonalds toy? I don't really like G3.5. I also got a duplicate G3 McDonalds Daisyjo. I'm gonna try to sell my fakies/duplicates and the misc. toys that get packed in bags with them. In all I'm keeping 23 new ponies from today.
I styled all their hair and now I'm just waiting for it to dry.

Hrm hrm

May. 21st, 2012 10:49 pm
rai_ryu: (Aquarium)

I don't even know what to title things these days, lol.

Busy weekend.
Friday we picked up some plants for our garden. We got yellow zucchini, cucumber, a second strawberry plant, four cherry tomatoes and four beefsteak tomatoes. A yellow/green bean plant, and four cayenne pepper plants. I don't like tomatoes so I'm not going to be eating them, but we always get some because they're one of the easiest things to grow (guaranteed to have a crop), and my dad and friends will eat them. We've never had that much success with peppers, but I wanted to get something a little different from what we normally have. OH, and we also got a mint plant that I put in the side garden. I grew up with a house that had at least 10 different kinds of mint growing in every garden, and I've been missing having it around to snack on. It should spread pretty quickly.
If only my Baguette wasn't allergic to mint >_<

Saturday we painted the deck, which actually went much quicker than I thought it would. I guess in the past years we were using brushes but this year we had paint rollers on long sticks. I always forget how much it has faded until I see what the paint looks like fresh ^^'. We also started draining the pool cover.

Sunday my Baguette came over and we worked on her Kitty Softpaws cosplay. She chipped away at carving the sword and I attached the fluffy white tip to her tail. The sword took a while to carve ^^'
We checked out the maple trees that I'd transplanted from my yard, but they were pretty far gone...I guess transferring them from mostly shade to full sun just as things start getting super warm...not such a good idea! Still, I guess they had a better chance being planted rather than just being composted from my garden.

Today is a holiday so my dad was home. The pool cover had drained so we spent the morning trying to haul it off the pool (it actually took a little over an hour!). It looks like there's no water, but when you gather it all to the side there's actually a lot. It was mostly a matter of lifting it a little, letting the pump drain out what water it could, then lifting again, etc. All the debris that was in it smelled disgusting though.
Then we laid in on the driveway/front lawn and I got to power wash it (I love to power wash!). We'd never done it that way before but it worked very well.
Tonight I finished up painting the sword, and I think that it looks good.

I've been spending most of the day playing pokemon too...XD it's Pokemon Gold, and I've had it for years. Right now I'm stuck on the Olivine City gym. For some reason in video games my people/pokemon are always ridiculously underlevelled.
It's sort of annoying how things turn from day to night in Gold...cause I often have time to play at night, but then I miss out on the day pokemon. Plus not being able to play with a lighted screen is annoying >_< I wish my DS would play Gameboy Colour games.

rai_ryu: (Zuko Worrying)
We leave in less than a week, so I've been finishing up some costume things and packing slowly. Still not done with the packing, still not done with the costumes (although I am very close). The last minute things to do always seem so rushed even though I probably have enough time to do them in.

My dad wants to pain the deck today although I feel like I should be doing things more productive for AN stuff...although I think mostly I'd just be tempted to watch more Avatar. It started out as something to tide me over until the next episode of Legend of Korra came out, but then I watched like 2.5 seasons in around a week and I realized that might not be the best plan. It takes so long for the episodes to come on Nick.com (although maybe I could watch them somewhere else?). Anyway now I've only got 6 episodes of Avatar left and that's not gonna last me til anything! If I'm really good I won't watch any more until AN is over. Buuuut...

I have a William Shakespeare keychain but I can't find it anywhere. I was gonna put it on my bag for AN (along with all my other keychains and pins that are on there already). I apparently have a one-track mind. Or maybe two-track if you count Avatar as well.

I need a new contact case and solution. My old case still has a pair of old contact lenses rotting in it and that's probably not safe for my eyes XD

My room is cleaner now. Still not clean obviously but at least the floor isn't a giant pile. Still has things on it, but they don't count as piles anymore. My dad wants me to clean up my sewing room downstairs, but that's gonna have to wait.
rai_ryu: (Badman)
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I havennn't really played games in a while because I'm busy with cosplay stuff, but before I got so busy I was really into Final Fantasy X. What makes it so playable to me is the story/plot. I really like the characters, and want to know how things end up. It's also sort of nostalgic for me because I used to play Final Fantasy X-2 when I was younger so I...vaguely know the characters? (I never finished it though, aha...). I took a long break from playing cause I'm at a pretty hard boss :P

I'm also sort of getting in and out of Runescape. There's so much new stuff on there that it's crazy.
rai_ryu: (Badman)
I keep listening to music from when I was in grade 8-ish and it makes me want to write about my characters from that time, even though I can't since they're roleplay character. I mean, I could always write out their backstories and stuff. But so much exciting stuff happened when they were in the roleplayyy~

Tonight if I am good, I will maybe finish the ears for my Xweetok costume.
But am I good...?

Went to the doctor's with my Baguette today. She apparently has a B12 deficiency and I'm reading up on it on Wikipedia and freaking myself out. Probably not a good idea ^_^''

It seems that I've got a very busy week, and Anime North seems to be flying up toward me at an alarming pace. I need to pack, and go shopping for supplies, and obviously I need to finish my costumes. AAAH.

Um, ok

May. 7th, 2012 01:56 pm
rai_ryu: (Dragonballs)
Alright LJ, I guess you're just deciding not to work in either rich text editor OR HTML editor. Sure. Whatever.
Maybe I'll fix it later.

I need to go to the dollar store today so that I can work on the final parts of my costume. But WILL I? It won't even be a long trip. I'm just all iffy about leaving the house at all. Story of my life, etc.

I sort of started a new story last night. I just kind of went with it, rather than spending too much time planning of which point of view something would be from. I think I'll keep just going with it, and see how it comes out.

My room is really messy, and I know I probably should clean it before Anime North. But just not noooooow.

I'm supposed to go with my Baguette to a neurology appointment tomorrow, which should be interesting.

I really thought that I had something to say but it seems like I don't :/
rai_ryu: (Aquarium)
[Error: unknown template qotd] http://yag65.deviantart.com/art/89-190500045 This is one of my favourites because it reminds me of a scene in one of my favourite books. The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper. Will wakes up on the morning of his birthday hearing faint but lovely music, and steps out into a winter world not quite like his own... A scene from the anime Earth Girl Arjuna, one of my favourites. I always liked Juna's Earth Resonance form, and I like the contrast of her fighting power alongside Chris' repeated phrase, "Why do you kill?". This picture is sort of a reminder to me, I guess
rai_ryu: (AnoHana)
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So, my dad works for Home Hardware. Back when Avril Lavigne was first becoming popular, she wore a Home Hardware shirt to one of her concerts (it was actually some little-league soccer shirt from Napanee that HH had sponsored). Anyway, all of a sudden, everyone wants these shirts. And that's awesome for me cause my dad works at the Home Hardware paint factory (in purchasing) and he managed to get me one.
Anyway, Home Hardware has these conventions for every season, to show off new products and stuff. We go sometimes. So we go to one, and I'm pretty sure I'm wearing that home hardware shirt, and when we get in we find out that Avril Lavigne is there to present some charity cheque. So we rush to the room it's supposed to happen in, and it's filled with some other fans (also wearing the shirt) who were all apparently informed so they had cameras.
She didn't say anything, I think she was tired from traveling between shows, but she held up the cheque and smiled, and I was like in the front row in the same ROOM as her. I was a reeeally big Avril fan. Sadly it doesn't really count as MEETING her.

Another time I went to a Christopher Cross concert because highschool students could get the tickets for 5$. He was out signing autographs after the show, so my friend and I waited in line. When we got up he was chatting with us about how we were the youngest people there, and that his own kids thought his music was boring, which was fairly amusing.

And once I cooked a hamburger for the mayor of my city but I don't think he really counts as a celebrity ^^'


rai_ryu: (Default)

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