rai_ryu: (Nick<3)
Wow it is so incredibly late and I should be sleeping, seeing as I might have to be up at 8am tomorrow morning but look at me, writing a journal, har har har.

So I hadn't played Runescape in years, but I recently started playing again. Now I made my account in like grade 6 before I knew I was trans, and my character is female. Now I've played female characters on MMORPGs before, and had no problem with it. However, those characters have mostly been based off an OC of mine. My Runescape character shares my name, which is the same as my LJ name.
Is it super crazy to feel dysphoric over a Runescape character? Runescape has all these sound effects now and when my character gets hit she cries out, with an obviously female voice. And every time I am like "But I am not a girl!". As if my Runescape character has any effect on that or not.
Anyway, I've been slowly finding my way around it, by coming up with a character surrounding her, so that she is no longer my avatar, but just another character like in the other games.

My prayer level had always been high in Runescape, and so my thought is she is some sort of militant fundamentalist warrior Priest of Saradomin. Her own name is Ryu, and Rai is some sort of religious title instead. She always buries the bones of her enemies. And while some might not think that killing people is in the way of Saradomin, she's really hardcore about her beliefs, and thinks that she is doing people a favour by allowing them to have the burial rite and have their souls and bones dedicated to Saradomin.

There we go. Yes, she isn't exactly sane. But it's helping me get past this weird "Game Character Dysphoria" slowly, at least.
rai_ryu: (Default)
(Another character blah blah)

Rachel Renway, Grade 11, 16
5’6”, Blonde hair, Green eyes
Intelligent, preppy, popular, kind, fun, secretive, good friend, playful, girly, friends despite cliques, traditional, holds grudges, protective, non-strategic, middle class, normal, loving

Livejournal: Andheartsbaby
Mood: Frustrated
Music: Lonely – Cascada
(Set To Private)

I don’t understand any of the people at school. It’s as if they take one look at me and think I’m a useless cheerleader. And they expect me to act all “Mean Girls” on them? Give me a break. I’m better than that. At least I’ve got some friends in the place. My old school was better. People knew me. They didn’t expect me to be things I wasn’t. What am I supposed to do here? The place is too divided.
Sure there’s the odd person who crosses cliques but the place is pretty much about to break out into a gang war otherwise. Even Kip is into it. Yeah she likes boys from other places and hangs out with me, but if a fight broke out she’d pick the outcast’s side.
Not that I wouldn’t if I had to. I couldn’t let her fight alone could I? Lord knows she wouldn’t stand a chance, even with her tough-girl image (haha).
It’s driving me crazy, this stupid school. I just want to go home. But it can’t be like that since dad got the job transfer. I didn’t want to move here but I guess he’d rather have his career. Wonder how he’ll feel when the school goes into lockdown? I’m not even kidding.
I have to make the best of it for now, and try not to get caught out in the corridors between classes. Some of those Outie boys can be pretty vicious.
I’ll play their game while they’re looking, but they’re not changing who I am.


rai_ryu: (Default)

July 2015

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