rai_ryu: (Alan<3)
My eyes and head hurt from crying so hard. I finally finished Inuyasha today. (If you don't want spoilers don't read the rest of this)(not that anyone reads my LJ)

Kikyo. Kikyoooo. How can I be upset over something I knew for so long was going to happen anyway? But... She was the first person Inuyasha could ever trust. He was so alone up until that point. And then what Naraku did to them... uhg. And in the end, Naraku told her "You will die in the arms of your most hated enemy"... but she didn't, she got to die in the arms of the man she loved, she got to finally be just a regular woman. Though in truth, at one point she would have considered Inuyasha her most hated enemy. Naraku was wrong but he was also right. Kikyo got what she had wanted all along, in the end.
I couldn't take it when Inuyasha started to cry. His voice got all broken and gross and... it is just so unlike Inuyasha. He couldn't protect her, but in the end she still got to be happy. They still got to be together in the end. "Kikyo doesn't want us to mourn her. She says, she'll protect us". My heart is officially broken forever.

Then they went and killed Rin. And I almost actually died. But I knew she couldn't be dead forever because it would have been more drawn out than just that.
KOHAKU. I knew from the start there was no way he could survive and when the shard was stolen... right after he had decided to live and decided he could make up for his sins in some way other than death... you can't know how happy I was he survived. I wasn't expected that at all. I think after Kikyo he is my other favourite character, so at least one of them gets to live.

At the end I honestly thought I would have to show up at Rumiko Takahashi's door and drown her in my tears because it is just NOT FAIR to separate Inuyasha and Kagome. I mean. Kagome maybe she'll go on, not really be happy but still live her normal life but... Inuyasha... there couldn't ever be anyone else for him. Even being with Sango and Miroku and Shippo... it would be like Kikyo all over again. I cried so hard I think my eyes almost burst out of my head. But she got to be with him in the end (and then I cried equally as hard out of joy). They got to be together, side by side. Inuyasha didn't have to be alone anymore - and he didn't have to change, human or demon. He could just be himself. hwrtyhjadsfdsfghfg

This whole thing is very hard on me, even with the happy ending. Inuyasha had such a profound effect on me from the first time I saw it in grade 8. It opened up my world to anime and it has such a magical feeling to it. The opening and ending songs will always fill me with such feelings of nostalgia - and even that word is used so often these days it almost has no meaning. They fill me with memories of feelings that I shared with these characters. The ways I related to them.
My first cosplay was Kikyo, my first Anime North revolved around that show, and the ending themes always make me think of nighttime AN (even though I did not stay until night my first time).
The world and the characters seem familiar to me. Like home, like family. And the thought that I can no longer take part in their lives makes me feel great sorrow. But in the end they all got their happy endings, so I can only hope the same will be true for me.
rai_ryu: (Nick<3)
Guess I can be called Rai, Crier In Public

I had the stupidest day at work. I mean. I only worked 3 and a half hours, and the first two of that were fine. But then.
I won't get into exactly what happened but I guess the worst part of it is after 6 months at my job, my coworkers still don't use the right pronounds for me. There are some who always get it right. There are some who rarely do. And there are some who never ever get them right.
And then there are some who call me the wrong ones to my face, but when they talk to my boss they use the right ones because they know they'll get corrected by her if they don't.

So yeah.
I can't fucking deal with this. Life was supposed to be easier.

And I was sure I wouldn't cry til I got home, but I ended up doing all my crying on the bus, and I haven't cried since I got here.

And you know it's kind of strange because maybe if people see someone crying in public they want to ask what's wrong or if that person's ok, but the whole time I was just paranoid someone WOULD come up and try to talk to me. It would be a nice gesture in general but so not something I'm up for. Thankfully, no one did.


rai_ryu: (Default)

July 2015

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