rai_ryu: (envy)
My job is going kinda well, I guess. I'm doing alright while I'm there (I have a strong suspicion that this will change once they stop training me and actually expect me to do things on my own). Mostly I just feel really disgusted that I have to go into work at all. Also, the hours are killer. Only 217 more left to go.
I work tomorrow, which is gross. Also its a closing shift which is more gross. I hate closing. Pretty much because it involves a lot of cleaning late at night. Not a fun combination. I keep compling a list of what I hate, and it seems to be everything but salad spinners and making hamburgers.

In good news, today was a wonderful writing day. I needed to write Enre's first fight scene with her sword, which I was kind of putting off. I'm no good at writing action, and I also wanted to show Enre's mentality throughout the whole thing. For some reason I have a harder time getting into character for Enre...So I kinda had to do some roleplaying to get me in the mood. I did the same thing to walk myself through Melanie's death scene, to find out how Enre would react. Anyway, I ended up swinging my sword around my room, carrying out Enre's actions and trying to get into her head. Well, it worked, and I carried out a successful 2 pages of writing for the scene (which I haven't finished, but only because I'm unsure how much I want to be in Enre's POV vs Jeice's. I think Jeice is getting too much attention.) and will probably finish it tomorrow. I'm really going to be banking on my writing to get me through this work term.
Its part of a new strategy I've got called "actually doing stuff".'

Also I've got yet another story to add to the pile. Honestly, it started with me just thinking of a character I really wanted to use. Then I had to come up with a story to put her in. Well, I kinda took the plot of one of my Sims' failed novels. It involves something like a world where words are very limited. Obviously, needs a lot of work. It also features a young redhead with a Chelsea grin. His name is Erin. Yes, the female spelling. Also some space travel because you know I just can't help it.

In other news, the Fullmetal Alchemist manga ended. Of course I cried - though mostly I was crying because it was over. I wanted to see what happened to them >: FOREVER. I love those characters, man. I had some near-breakdowns at work just thinking of the fact that its over. Yes, I know that's kind of pathetic. But hey, I'm pathetic.
I so totally cannot wait to cosplay Roy next year.

I've had a strange jabbing headache all day. I even took a nap but it has returned. This is very bothersome.
And my wrist/fingers hurt from too much writing (and cutting things up, lol), so even though I wanted to finish the scene tonight, it was rather too painful to continue.

So many goddamn characters in my head right now, they just won't shut up!
rai_ryu: (Default)
Anyway, I started writing more of FMM today (need to revise title), which pleases me because I haven't worked on it in a while but I seem to be on a roll. Ish. Sometimes when I write it feels strange and almost as if its not written "in my style", which is weird because I'm the one writing it. Anyway, I suppose once the whole thing is done, I'll have to go back and read it to see. And I'll have others review it and say if they think its consistant.

I was thinking about what I want to do with the characters in the rewrite. The first copy focused more on just getting the story out and was pretty bare-minimum with everything. Now, the characters and story are a lot more fleshed out in my head. Well, sort of. I've begun to think about them more and I realized the story will have more plot points.

Something I want to show through subtext is how Jeice and his companions are really just young guys. Back in that time people did fall into grown up roles a lot earlier (Jeice was married at 16/17 and in the story is the commander of the rebel forces at 18. Zack is a year younger than he is and serves as a soldier for them). I won't go as far as to say "they're just kids" because they really aren't, but I want to show more of the fact that they still haven't fully matured, even though in most ways they're very mature for their ages. I kind of got the idea whilst watching Fullmetal Alchemist. Because, although Ed is mature for his age and has been through a lot and dealt with it like an adult, you can still see his 15 year old self coming through. For instance, covering everything with skulls because he "thinks its cool", and he chose his red coat because "its such a manly colour". This kind of came through in the first version of the story, as when the three joked around it was much in the way that highschool boys do. So I'm keeping that in mind now when I write scenes with them together.
On a side note, I'm trying not to make Jeice seem like a sexist douchbag. While by today's standards he would be considered sexist, its more in a kind hearted way. And I'm sure he would still hate Minh even if she were male. Its just that back then it was not uncommon to believe a woman wouldn't do well in fighting a war (and lets face it, Minh pretty much proved that stereotype). Jeice also wouldn't want to risk a woman getting hurt, especially not Leah. Its less of a concious effort on his part to see women as not having a place in "a man's world" and more of a case of "that's just the way it is".

Another thing I decided is that I want to send Enre into darker places. While in the first one, sure she kills a bunch of people, only really realizing the gravity of it when the war is over, but that's all done in the context of war, so it wasn't really played out to be bad at the time she was doing it. That's the way I felt, at least. When you get to the end and she starts feeling guilty, it kinda goes through your mind that "Well duh you were a soldier, so of course that would happen". I think I will write more specific instances of her killing people, and not have all those instances take place on the battlefield. Its easy to say she swung her sword around and people died, but its harder if its a concious decision to kill someone. If I can pull it off, I also want to have it look as though from her point of view, she's still a war hero (at the time she's doing the actions), while the reader is horrified of her point of view. Afterwards, when those around her end up sharing that point of view, she will realize she was wrong after all.

I want to write the later scenes really badly, which always happens to me when writing :P I tend to gloss over the stuff in between the really dramatic scenes I have an itch to write. Which may be the reason for the style inconsistancies. But I'll have to keep trucking through because every part of it is important.

Anyway, that was long, and I applaud you if you ended up reading the whole thing
rai_ryu: (Default)
Ok, last night I finished the story I've been writing, For My Melanie
I'm extremely happy because this is one of the most important stories to me <3
But also sad because its over now.
Anyway, I had just printed the whole thing out for Laura to read (her computer sucks so she can't read it on deviantart). It was 28 pages, a very large pile of paper, lol. Anyway, my dad was like "What are you printing out?!" and I told him it was a story. And he said "You wrote all that?" and of course I said yes,
and then, he said
"Too bad its not for school."

I could hardly even believe it.
For everyone wondering why I don't like my dad, now you know why.
It wasn't "Oh, congratulations on writing a story"
No, it was that it would only be GOOD, if I had done it for school. So my story means nothing, right dad?
Also, he didn't ask to read it.
He asked "How does it end?"

This is the reason I never tell him about my art or my writing.
Because I know he doesn't care about it at all.
And all he's gonna do is shoot it down.

I'm extremely pissed off about it...but, more sad. Because I guess I just expected him to ONCE, not be an asshole. But no, that didn't happen.
He wouldn't want to read it anyway.
He'd read it and he'd say something like "Why do gay people always write stories about other gay people?"

This story means so much to me, and now I'm almost ashamed of it, just thinking about what he said and what he would say if he read it.
I have to stay strong.

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rai_ryu

July 2015

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