rai_ryu: (Alan<3)
Healing more and more every day. Still some reaching and lifting that I can't do. And I can't sleep on my side yet ):

Right now I feel like I could fall in love instantly. This is a dangerous state for me to be in, though I suspect there aren't going to be any risky times in my future due to lack of interest. A few months ago I had resigned that I would probably never fall in love again. But here I am, back to my old hopeless romantic ways. I feel like my younger self and that's a good thing. Even falling in unrequited love might be welcomed right now.

Atomic Lollipop is soon...about 2 weeks away now! I have my outfit all figured out. It sounds like it is going to be so exciting! I hope I am healed enough to have lots of fun by that point. I will hardly have any money, but at least the carnival is included in the price of tickets.

It's so hot in my room...and only in my room...*sigh* I would sleep in the basement, but I think I am still too paranoid.


Jul. 5th, 2011 09:48 pm
rai_ryu: (rainbow)
I'm almost two weeks post-op!
I've got an appointment to see my surgeon for follow-up tomorrow, then we're visiting my aunt, which I hope will not be filled with awkward questions.

I got to my surgery in time, but I guess the surgery before mine took longer than expected. I was supposed to be in around 1:30, but ended up going into surgery around 5pm. So, there was lots of sitting in the waiting room. They had Friends DVDs to watch, which I found very appropriate. Since I hadn't been allowed to eat or drink from midnight the night before, I was praying that they'd put me under just so I wouldn't be able to feel the extreme hunger!
The actual surgery went off very well. I didn't wake up during it! While I was in the recovery room, I remember that just before I woke up I was having a dream about X-Men.
The first night was horrible, the pain meds made me really sick, and really drowsy. But when we saw the nurse the next day, she said I could switch to Advil and things got much better after that.

My chest looks SO good now. I am sososososososososo happy with it. Every time I go past the mirror, there's a surge of happiness. I look so cool! The scar shape the doctor gave me is perfect. Things get a little weird in my armpits, but I think that will settle out in time. I can't complain at all!
Still can't do a lot of things, cause it hurts to move certain ways, but I can put on a shirt now and also take a proper shower. My family is torturing me by swimming in the pool and saying how nice it is. I can't go swimming because it's hard for me to get up the ladder out of the pool ):

When I got back from surgery I had an email from my aunt. She is so supportive it's weird. She is catholic so I was expecting her to hate me, but instead it was a big speech about how proud she is that I am being true to myself and that I had the courage to come out.
She is even making an effort with the pronouns. In an email to my dad, she used "Zi". I'm very happy about that. Maybe she will have a good influence on him!

I am getting more and more excited as the wounds heal. It's hard to be enthused when everything is painful :P but things are looking GREAT. I can't wait for my future!
rai_ryu: (rainbow)
Ah, one of the first warm days of the season!
I got to hang out with Cassy and Fel. We're starting a DnD game so we worked on my character (even though I am still majorly confused, lol). Then we lounged around near a pond and played IQ 2000.
So, I got incredibly sunburnt. This usually happens to me because I rarely wear sunscreen.
It huuuuuuuuurts. Can hardly reach for things without my arms dying. Also, my lovehandles got sunburnt so now wearing pants hurts a lot. LOL.
But it must mean summer is here!

I had my consultation for top surgery on wednesday. Things went really well, now all I'm trying to figure out is a WHEN, which has a lot to do with money. But I'm really excited! The doctor was nice, and so was the nurse I talked to. They have done thousands of these surgeries so they know what they're doing.

I need to start getting proper sleep so that I don't get sick before Anime North...
rai_ryu: (Nick<3)
I keep switching back and forth between being excited and extreme amounts of irritation and stress.

I finally got fed up with my crappy sewing machine, so I traded it in for credit toward my new one - new to me, but an older model (much older). When I tried it out in the store it worked just fine. When I get it home, tension problems. Uhg uhg. I know nothing about adjusting thread tension. They never taught us in school because they didn't want us screwing up the machines. I've tried the top tension, the bobbin tension. I can't get anything to work. Tomorrow I'll try some more, then I don't know...ask the guy at the shop.
It isn't easy to bring it in and have it looked at, because it is part of a table, not a portable. Still trying to get used to that (and it would be easier if I could get it to work.)

My dad has been making some homophobic comments lately. I don't understand how he could, since he knows about me. Or at least thinks he does.
I'm going to be getting my top surgery hopefully sometime soon (I'm hoping on this year, if all goes well). I will probably have to come out to him either before or after it happens. But what do I say? "Dad, I want you to call me your son, but actually I'm not not a boy, but rather genderless". HA. Yeah. He's going to say something like "What book did you read that in!" or "No, you are my daughter!" and I'm not going to be happy.
The thought of getting my surgery makes me unbelievably happy. There's no way I'm NOT going to get it - I don't care what he thinks, but having to deal with him afterward is going to be really hard. I wonder if anybody will understand.
God I am thankful for my friends. They know me and they accept me.
I'm not in a very good mood right now, I guess, but hopefully that will go away if I can ignore his asshole comments.

Oh, and at the university in my town there is an anti-female campaign going on. Negative posters and emails being sent around telling women they shouldn't have the rights that they do. Events have been cancelled because of safety issues. My dad doesn't think it is a big deal. Maybe because he has never had to be discriminated against in his whole life.
And I hate being seen as a woman, and "expected" to take offence because "I am a woman". I am NOT a woman, but I was born into this body and had to deal with the same discrimination it comes with. I am not a woman, but I still won't accept women being threatened and discriminated against, especially in such a place as a university.

Uhg...I'm going to not ramble anymore.


rai_ryu: (Default)

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