Get Over

Don't get me wrong
I really love her.
But to think that other people have...to think about what she's done with other people in the past...
it makes me feel...disgusted.
not at her, no...but it feels as if this girl I love has been desecrated...contaminated, if you will.
maybe it wouldn't be like that if I didn't feel the way I do about sex.
again, the thought of even making out with someone, even someone I really love(especially them, actually), makes me feel horrible, almost physically sick.
I don't know how I'll manage to tell her.
I'll wait til later.
til we've been together longer
then maybe, maybe if she...
if she really loves me
then it won't matter
I keep searching for someone who's like that
who might understand it and accept me for it. Who won't care if we never have sex.
maybe we'll stay together and then we'll be older, out of our teenage years where everyone else's hormones are going mad and she'll be able to understand

or maybe she won't
and i'll be alone forever
just because i'm not "normal"

why can't...
why can't people just love eachother without sex?
why is everything about..."turn me on, baby" now?
that's not...not what love's about

anyone can turn someone on.
anyone can fuck anyone else and give them an orgasm.
anyone can have sex.
but not anyone can love you.
not anyone can love you with their entire heart.
not anyone will always be there for you no matter what.
not anyone will love you.