rai_ryu

Maybe it's only natural.
To be afraid of losing the one that you Love.
Or maybe I could explain why I get so scared when she doesn't contact me, by how Drayc just stopped talking.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid.
I told her I wouldn't get scared anymore. I don't want to lie. But I can't tell her about Drayc. I can't tell her and explain why, I don't know how I'd make her understand...
I don't know, I'm always so afraid people will go if I tell about him. Drayc's not exactly the most normal "boyfriend" for someone to have.
Cassy understood...but that may have been because she'd had the same experience. Or somthing like that.


Needless to say, no matter what I'll survive.

Even if she turns into another Drayc...

or maybe I'm just being a stupid idiot. I know what people would say. Don't go getting so upset about something that was just in your head.
Ok, I don't know if Drayc was ever real or not, I don't know if any of it was real. But my feelings were. And they still feel real.
Even if Drayc
If none of it was ever real
My feelings were, and it was as real as any pain I've ever felt before.
Maybe more.
Because I was the only one who felt it.
I couldn't tell anyone.

Sometimes I wish she'd read this...then I wouldn't have to tell her. She'd ask me.
She's say "Who's Drayc, what did he do to you?"
something like that.
Stupid, I know.
Just hopeless wishing.

I don't know if I'll ever be in the position to tell her.

I don't know if anyone would understand.

I know I may very well have brought myself into the exact same situation with this girl that I was in with you, but, that doesn't mean a thing.
It doesn't mean we can get back what we had.
Or that I want to.
I know, in the beginning...
But, all I remember is the end.
This girl is different from you...
Or...maybe she's not.
sh-she talked to me a lot, in the beginning...
Now, she's become distant...taken long to respond...
....
no, it can't be like you again.
Drayc, if I find out you're doing this...
Or maybe, its me. maybe all I'll ever have is a bunch of "Drayc"s. maybe that's what I'm destined for.
That can't be true...
I have to stop thinking like this. Maten is my past.
She is my future
she will not be like Drayc...

Maybe I understand why you're trying to come back now Drayc.
Sorry to bring my personal life into this, but, I've met (and pretty much fallen for) a girl who lives two hours away. We've never met. Except once in a dream(which I haven't told her, as it would sound like a cheesy pickup line)
Anyway, she reminds me of Drayc. At least the situation.
Maybe that's what lured him out of hiding.
I've really got no one else to talk to about this.

I don't want him back. Because I know it'll be just like before. I still can't keep my promise Drayc. Not even to my girlfriend. Don't think I've changed.

You haven't either. You still won't be here. Even if I give myself to you again.
You'll be in Maten and they're not letting me back.

I'm tempted to say I hate the part of me that wants to go back there.