rai_ryu

How's that for a title?
I'm annoyed cause I seem to be getting full really easily lately. I take like a few bites of something and my stomach thinks it is stuffed. I want to eat tasty meals, dammit!

Anyway I've been in a bit of a fog lately too. I think it's cause I got a job, and just the looming thought of having to go into work in the future is dampening everything. I feel like everything is just gonna break down and I won't be able to handle it. And I hope it's just because of the job getting me all out of whack. I work Tuesday to Friday next week...they're not long shifts, but my first shift is at the station I least wanted to work at. So it figures my first two shifts are there, and I'll have to do my training there >_< luckily after Friday, the place closes down for two weeks, so I won't have to worry about work over the course of those weeks (except that I'm sure I will). Oh damn, and I just realized I have to leave the house tomorrow. Well this is great.

I've been reading today but not doing anything "productive". I don't want to do anything, because I need to calm myself down about this job thing, but then when I don't do anything, I feel all guilty or anxious that I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. I guess after I get in tomorrow I'm gonna need to spend some time working on stuff. I hate having a lot to do. It always makes me feel like I have no time to do anything, so I don't even bother working on things, but then obviously more things just pile up and it gets worse...I really am lame aren't I?

I want to go to University, but my family is trying to convince me not to. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I need to take supplemental courses anyway because I don't have enough grade 12 credits. But I really want to go there to learn languages. My family thinks it is useless.

I got a little baby sparrow today. She looks about fledgling sized, except one of her wings is much smaller than the other, and she's got a broken leg. I emailed the humane society seeing if there was somewhere I could take her for rehabilitation but they're away for the weekend. I call her Davies. She HATES me XD

Having trouble getting my family to call me the proper name. My name has been legally changed for almost a year now, so they should start calling me it by now. I told my sister she couldn't play the sims unless she did - well, she didn't, and now she's crying and whining around the whole house.

I finally got a second statue for my altar. For the God I have a stag statue that I painted white with silver horns. Currently for the Goddess I had a bone statue of a wolf, lying down. I had always wanted a matching statue for the Goddess of a dog, though.
I found a dollarama that sells the stag statues again! So I bought one and I'm modding it into a dog. i think this one will be black with perhaps some silver drybrushing.

I sent an email to the Art Institute about their fashion design program. I had wanted to go somewhere for costume design specifically, but I haven't been able to find anywhere in Toronto that offers just a course in that. I don't know if I'm gonna go though - it's hard for me to balance out just how MUCH schooling costs...>_< I will have the money, but it just seems like such a waste to spend it all on school...

So I'm doing pretty crappily in a few of my classes.
Culinary theory (39%!). I got really good marks easily last semester so I just kind of assumed that I would this semester, and coasted along. Obviously not the best choice. I already talked to Chef Phillipe and he's letting me make up one assignment which will hopefully boost my mark, then my exam will HOPEFULLY bring it up to a pass (55%)

Production, for obvious reasons. I have to meet with Chef Paul and try to sort it out (seems like he wants to give me an "incomplete"), and I really want to convince him to just give me 55% so I can get the hell out of there. Of course, he has about one brain cell so that's not going to be easy. I mean, if I can get the courage, I want to just tell him at this point I just want to put this whole culinary college thing behind me so why doesn't he just give me a 55%? I wouldn't care much about passing if my dad would not be super pissed off at me for having him spend 4000$+ on the education only to have myself fail. Obviously I shouldn't have let the various pressures going on around me force me into a program I didn't want to be in, but its too late for that now. Maybe I can make up a few classes through volunteering or coming in after the semester is done? I'm hoping something like that will work out.

Advanced Kitchen Management and Nutrition. I don't actually know if I'm failing this (or close to failing) since the teacher hasn't put our marks online (though she is supposed to). I've gotten great on both tests but have not done either assignment (I did one of them but was too lazy to hand it in for some reason??). I'm hoping my final assignment (which I AM actually doing) and my final test will allow me to pass.

This semester has been really trying. I'm sure I could have passed everything if I had put my full effort into it, but there were bothersome emotional issues at the beginning that essentially screwed me in some classes before I got over them. Then I kind of stopped caring about everything. Now I only care vaguely, but hope to scrape by with 55's in those classes. I haven't started looking for my co-op placement because I don't even know if I'm passing...but what if I DO pass then can't find a co-op?? ARG!

On a nicer note, though, I got 95% on my business report which is great because I wrote it the night before it was due and really had no clue what I was doing. The teacher was very impressed by it and she wants to chat to me about writing and publishing. I'm excited but totally nervous because I don't know how to chat with people or what to talk/ask her about. I really think I want to focus a lot more on writing after I'm done with this school business. I would love to see FMM published (and I've been considering new names for it).

I need to get to sleep now, since I have to get up at 6am for tomorrow's class. But good luck trying to fall asleep at 10 when average bedtime this week was 2am.