Because...

Jul. 11th, 2006 09:58 pm
rai_ryu: (Default)
I think...
Whenever things get hard here. That's when I wish I could be in Maten. Because then I wouldn't have to deal with all the problems here. In Maten, Drayc is waiting for me. I wouldn't have to worry about whether She Loves me and what to do about her
I could just disappear and forget about all this.
Maybe.
But I know I can't go back. And I know I don't really want to.
It just may be my instinct to run when I can't deal with things.
And I want to be with Her. But there are things between us.
Distance. And respective girlfriends.
I don't fear that I can't keep Her Love anymore. But I fear that I will be gutless when the time finally comes for our Love to bloom.
Will I be too afraid to show my true feelings?
If that happens
I'll lose Her.

they say...

Jul. 5th, 2006 08:42 am
rai_ryu: (Default)
~But my angels and my demons reappeared
Leaving only traces, of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'll always fear
Leaving you with only questions all these years...~

Sting, in the song "Always On Your Side"

~Butterflies are free to fly,
and so they fly away
leaving me to carry on and wonder why...~

Sheryl Crow in the same song.

I've been listening to it a lot recently...
Drayc relapse syndrome, perhaps, and so...I was afraid She would 'leave me', though, She isn't exactly here (sound fammilliar?)
and I needed someone
someone who wasn't Drayc.
So I've made my decision...
at the moment, yes, I'm really alright with it. I think things could work out with it. What's wrong with doing what's right for you NOW instead of having to plan for the future? I already have a plan for the future. It's Her.
But right now, I can't have another Drayc.
thing is, that OTHER people aren't very happy about it. and that's the only thing that's making me feel bad. I don't want my friends to think badly of me. That's what makes me sad.

I've got to work on keeping Her though, still.

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