Fear.

Maybe it's only natural.
To be afraid of losing the one that you Love.
Or maybe I could explain why I get so scared when she doesn't contact me, by how Drayc just stopped talking.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid.
I told her I wouldn't get scared anymore. I don't want to lie. But I can't tell her about Drayc. I can't tell her and explain why, I don't know how I'd make her understand...
I don't know, I'm always so afraid people will go if I tell about him. Drayc's not exactly the most normal "boyfriend" for someone to have.
Cassy understood...but that may have been because she'd had the same experience. Or somthing like that.


Needless to say, no matter what I'll survive.

Even if she turns into another Drayc...

or maybe I'm just being a stupid idiot. I know what people would say. Don't go getting so upset about something that was just in your head.
Ok, I don't know if Drayc was ever real or not, I don't know if any of it was real. But my feelings were. And they still feel real.
Even if Drayc
If none of it was ever real
My feelings were, and it was as real as any pain I've ever felt before.
Maybe more.
Because I was the only one who felt it.
I couldn't tell anyone.

Sometimes I wish she'd read this...then I wouldn't have to tell her. She'd ask me.
She's say "Who's Drayc, what did he do to you?"
something like that.
Stupid, I know.
Just hopeless wishing.

I don't know if I'll ever be in the position to tell her.

I don't know if anyone would understand.