Whatever lies beyond this morning, is a little later on

I should really start going to bed at a reasonable hour. When it gets this late into the night, my thoughts quickly turn melancholy and suddenly I am leaving comments on my friend's Honesty Boxes that I thoroughly regret in the morning.
Sometimes I need to take a big step back and look at myself from a logical point of view. Then I realize how stupid I am being. Sometimes, I don't need to do that, because stupidity is what I am aiming for.

I am not productive. I am still all pent-up because there are things I need to get out on paper which, for whatever reason, are not coming at all. Sometimes I just have no clue what I'm trying to do (or what I AM doing, for that matter). But somewhere inside I've developed this fear of living too much. Of feeling too much.
It's dumb, it's tiring, but alas here I am.

Last night I was up until 5 (at which point, I went to bed, but did not fall asleep for still some while). It is quarter to three now. These late bedtimes are residual effects of something that was stupid to begin with.

And now there is another person I want to be up to talk with, but well...when I see her come online I decide, maybe I should just go to bed. Again, with the boundless stupidity. Either don't stay up, or actually talk to her, Rai. Not that complicated.

But I am oh so Gods damned complicated.