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Thinking too hard about Runescape
Jan. 18th, 2012 03:28 amWow it is so incredibly late and I should be sleeping, seeing as I might have to be up at 8am tomorrow morning but look at me, writing a journal, har har har.
So I hadn't played Runescape in years, but I recently started playing again. Now I made my account in like grade 6 before I knew I was trans, and my character is female. Now I've played female characters on MMORPGs before, and had no problem with it. However, those characters have mostly been based off an OC of mine. My Runescape character shares my name, which is the same as my LJ name.
Is it super crazy to feel dysphoric over a Runescape character? Runescape has all these sound effects now and when my character gets hit she cries out, with an obviously female voice. And every time I am like "But I am not a girl!". As if my Runescape character has any effect on that or not.
Anyway, I've been slowly finding my way around it, by coming up with a character surrounding her, so that she is no longer my avatar, but just another character like in the other games.
My prayer level had always been high in Runescape, and so my thought is she is some sort of militant fundamentalist warrior Priest of Saradomin. Her own name is Ryu, and Rai is some sort of religious title instead. She always buries the bones of her enemies. And while some might not think that killing people is in the way of Saradomin, she's really hardcore about her beliefs, and thinks that she is doing people a favour by allowing them to have the burial rite and have their souls and bones dedicated to Saradomin.
There we go. Yes, she isn't exactly sane. But it's helping me get past this weird "Game Character Dysphoria" slowly, at least.
So I hadn't played Runescape in years, but I recently started playing again. Now I made my account in like grade 6 before I knew I was trans, and my character is female. Now I've played female characters on MMORPGs before, and had no problem with it. However, those characters have mostly been based off an OC of mine. My Runescape character shares my name, which is the same as my LJ name.
Is it super crazy to feel dysphoric over a Runescape character? Runescape has all these sound effects now and when my character gets hit she cries out, with an obviously female voice. And every time I am like "But I am not a girl!". As if my Runescape character has any effect on that or not.
Anyway, I've been slowly finding my way around it, by coming up with a character surrounding her, so that she is no longer my avatar, but just another character like in the other games.
My prayer level had always been high in Runescape, and so my thought is she is some sort of militant fundamentalist warrior Priest of Saradomin. Her own name is Ryu, and Rai is some sort of religious title instead. She always buries the bones of her enemies. And while some might not think that killing people is in the way of Saradomin, she's really hardcore about her beliefs, and thinks that she is doing people a favour by allowing them to have the burial rite and have their souls and bones dedicated to Saradomin.
There we go. Yes, she isn't exactly sane. But it's helping me get past this weird "Game Character Dysphoria" slowly, at least.
