Its Over

Mar. 31st, 2007 04:01 pm
rai_ryu: (Default)
Well, that does it...
After the whole potspace thing last night, and finding out about "Gabe"...
I tried calling more today. My friend Laura called too, so no we know Kate's avoiding me.
I just sent her this myspace message:
Ok, I don't know what's going on but...
It seems like you're avoiding me.
And so I'm sending this message to say that I'm breaking up with you unless you have a good reason for not talking to me, as well as a good reason for what you've been doing with Gabe on that potspace site.
If you don't have a good reason then we're broken up.
Don't try to talk to me again, if that's the case.

I really wanted this to work out, and I wanted to make you happy, but I can't take this. You've done this before, and I can't let it happen again.
I never wanted to hurt you, and I was trying really hard this time. But you hurt me again, so it has to end this way.

I really loved you, you know.

Until/unless I hear from you, we aren't together anymore.


So I guess that's it...
In the end she didn't actually change after all.
Cassy and everyone else was right.
I hope she doesn't get too sad about this...
Anyway, I have to call Derrik back...


Mar. 28th, 2007 06:42 am
rai_ryu: (Default)
Ok, I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or something
But Kate hasn't been online for a couple days (which is saying a lot because she's usually ALWAYS signed in). I tried calling her yesterday too, but nobody picked up.
The last time I talked to her was sunday.
And so I'm kinda worried.
What if something happened to her?
And if it did, how come nobody's told me yet?
What if she's missing, or if she died or something??
I'm really worried :( :( :( :(
I'm gonna try to call her again today after school.
Hopefully its just some kind of problem with her internet or something...
Or maybe she was just sleeping when I called...

[Edit Wed.]
I called again when I got home today, and her sister picked up.
She asked who was calling, and I said "Rai"
So she said she'd get Kate to call me back
But its making me worry even more. Where would she have gone? And what if she was at home? Andandand, what if she's sick or something and can't leave her bed or something???
No one ever tells me anything
*goes back to worrying*

[Edit Thurs.]
I called her again TODAY
And no one picked up.
What's going on?!
I'm seriously worried :(

[Edit Fri.]
Called again today around 5:45.
Still, no one picked up.
When it gets to be this long, there doesn't seem to be ANY rational, not-bad explaination. I started crying after I made the call.
I don't know what's going on.
[More Edit]
Ok, so I went on myspace and it said she was online today. Which means she must have gotten the comments I left asking what was going on. But didn't reply to them. Also, there was a new link to someone she calls "The Cool Kid" under her heroes section. At first I thought it was his myspace page, but it turned out it was his "potspace" page. Like Myspace for stoners. The very fact she's on there makes me worry, cause I TOLD her I don't date ppl who do drugs but yet she's on there (and recently too, the 25th).
So I was freaking out, and eventually just went for a walk. I walked past her house and the light in her room was on, so I figured she was home. So I called from my cellphone and her mom picked up. She said she'd go get her (and for some reason, also asked who was calling). I heard her call out "Kate, its Rai!". Then there was a long silence and she came back and said "She must have gone out for a while, I'll tell you she called". So I walked around then walked back past her house, and her light was STILL on. So then I came home.
And I probably shouldn't have done this, but I logged into her potspace account (cause I know the pass she uses for everything). And I read her messages. All from guys and all flirty and cybersexy and especially with that "cool kid".
She's done this before, so I'm really freaking out. I don't want it to happen again, I really need to talk to her but I can't get ahold of her at all.
I'm scared now that she wants to break up with me or is avoiding me for some reason.
Why does she always do this...?
Laura said that she thinks Kate actually DOES like me, but she just gets "swoony" over people very fast.
It said in one of Kate's messages "I think my gf broke up with me, I can never keep a gf" or something like that. Maybe she's worried I'll leave her, but I'm really serious this time. I wish she'd be serious too.
And so much for being a lesbian Kate, flirting and cybering and phone-sexing guys ain't really what lesbos do.
rai_ryu: (Default)
I should really stop listening to sad songs, lol.

Well, anyway, I guess I'm just a little worried. See, when I was going out with Cassy, we'd been friends for a long time, since grade school, and we knew a lot about eachother. So we were closer. But with Kate, well, we don't really know much about eachother. And I really wish we were closer, but I'm bad at bringing up stuff like that. I've never really had a serious talk about a relationship before, so, I'm really new at this I guess.
And also...this might sound bad, cause people will say, I shouldn't have dated her cause of this but...I don't really, trust her, as much as I guess I should, seeing as she's my girlfriend and all. But, I don't know if she still likes her one ex-boyfriend or not. Because in the summer when I went out with her, she talked about him a lot. And, also seeing as how she was flirting with Jeems at that time too...I'm kinda worried she'll go out and do it again.
And I'd talk to her about it, but she's kinda fragile, and I REALLY don't want to make her sad. I couldn't stand it if she was sad. I guess I'm just a wimp that way.
But, I'll have to face this somehow.
Maybe I'll try talking to her.
But I'm still really worried about her getting sad.

In other news, I downloaded the Indigo Girls' new album. Man, they're a pretty awesome band. REAL lesbians, not like T.a.t.u., lol.
Anyway, that was random.


Dec. 13th, 2006 06:50 am
rai_ryu: (Default)
So apparently, Kate still likes me.
Its kinda confusing me.
I also heard from another person that, she says she still likes me, but that she also still likes James.
Arg, confusion eh?
I guess its good Kate's never online anymore. Otherwise we'd end up talking and...arg >_<

Yeah, cause apparently she came to my school on friday(I was away that day). And she asked Jen where I was, and Jen said I was at home. And then she asked if Kate still liked me, and Kate nodded. S'what I heard from Jen at least. I wonder if Kate's gonna come back to my school sometime...*sigh*
rai_ryu: (Default)
Kate's been coming around Cameron again.
She came over yesterday afterschool too. We watched anime, that's all.
But I keep getting this crazy idea of asking her out again. I know, it wouldn't be a good idea. I know it'll just turn out like before. But I miss what we had, or...what I thought we had?
I don't know what to do.
I can't give into it, because if I ask her out again...
And I did love her, even if it took me a while to realize. Sometimes she can be everything I want. And then she just changes.
I don't understand this at all.
I know I CAN'T ask her out again, but part of me wants to.
Probably because, I've been real down lately...thinking about how, I'll never find a girlfriend...
and without a girlfriend, my future starts looking really bleak. is the one thing that matters most to me. It doesn't matter how much money I make or what kind of job I have, I don't care. the only thing I need is love.
I'm sounding kinda stupid so I'll stop rambling now

and Cassy's not even online for me to RP with...
maybe I'll go sulk...


rai_ryu: (Default)

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