Nothing

If my life is for rent,
and I don't learn to buy...
I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine

It seems that even if I post twice on one day I can't get out of making an entry for today D:

I feel kind of sick right now but I'm sure it will pass. I'm just freaking out, as usual.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to write about but I realized in a way I'm impatient. I guess I always have been. Now that I can see the future working out well, I want it to happen soon. I know it can't and it hurts that it can't, but that's what I want.
I don't want to think about all the bad things I'll have to go through between now and then.
I guess because I'm being a brat and I think I've been through enough it's time for things to be the way I've always wanted them to be. And I'm scared they never will be.
As if it happens now then things can't go wrong and plans can't change.
I've lived enough lies and I want something secure.

But I'm afraid I'm just dreaming.